Christmas in July

This past weekend brought to us a festive feast of December proportions. Turkey, turkey, and more turkey with mashed potatoes, dressing, and a variety of desserts. Our white elephant exchange was a big success; Teak landed a pair of size 6 women's underwoos and anti-diarrhea medication, arguably the funniest gag. I purchased a license plate with the text "OLDFART" on it. Various other gifts including a cobra frisbee, a tom tom, a giant water gun, and various necklaces were also received. Oh yes, and I landed a racket zapper to take care of this pesky bug problem we have in the Alaskan frontier.

At this time, I want to post a rendition of A Visit from St. Nicholas (a.k.a. 'Twas the Night Before Christmas). It's heavily based around the dredge crew here so, to some, the references won't make sense. Footnotes will change that. The poem has been tweaked a bit since reading it this past weekend, but it's pretty much the same.

'Twas the night before Christmas when all through the dredge
Not a tourist was stirring, not even in the sheds
The stockings were hung in the trommel with care
In hopes that St. Nicholas would soon fall in there

The guides were nestled, all snug in their beds
While visions of happy tourists danced in their heads
The bear and her cubs lay silently at bay
And we hoped and prayed that's where they would stay

When out in the parking lot arose a commotion
I fell on my heater in a hurried motion
Slammed into the door, I hit with a crash
I opened that door, and went out in a dash

The midnight sun on the puddles of melted snow
Gave the mystique of Alaska to my reflection below
When what appeared to my frostbitten eyes
but the elongated Pickle*(1) and eight tour guides

With the chipper young driver, so youthful from afar
I knew in a moment it must be Lone Star*(2)
More rapid than eagles, her tour guides they came
And she effervescently shouted and called them by name

"Now Moose Jaw! Now Tator! Now Tall Tale! Now Slim!
On, Lady Rush! On, Ms. Nugget! On Dawson Dave and Gus Chiggins!*(2)
Back to Dry Storage and to the ends of the Earth!
Bing Bang Snack Bags!*(3) from Skagway to Perth!"

As cottonwood falls after the Inlet winds roar
When they meet the ground, stuck forever more
So to the room the guides marched in stride
With boxes of cheese, wet naps and Milano cookies inside

And then with a bang, I heard in the dredge
A groan of a man who lives life on the edge
As I climbed the buckets to peer inside
Old St. Nicholas, in the trommel, is taking a ride

His eyes - how blackened! His dimples - how bruised!
Battered as if he were on a gold dredge cruise!
He climbed down the buckets with great care
Facing a curious crowd who could only stare
For the stockings in the trommel, who was to blame?
Moose Jaw, Tator, Slim or even Dawson Dave?
I peered below to St. Nick tending his knee
While the Bezel Queen*(4) angrily glared at the Mountie*(5)

But before any blame could go around
St. Nick motioned for all to be void of sound
He said with laughter, "I simply didn't control my pace!"
"Could be worse, at least I wasn't sprayed with bear mace!"

Up the buckets again he climbed with joy
Through the heart and bowels of this Klondike toy
Like sixty years past, he gave its fill of gold*(6)
Resonating into the minds of young and old

Over the stacker and behind the dredge
Crashing through the roof of the panning sheads
He said with a beaming smile, despite his plight
"Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!"


*(1) - "The Pickle" is a long green car that serves as one of our major work vehicles
*(2) - Lone Star and Tall Tale are our two team leaders, and Moose Jaw, Tator, Slim, Lady Rush, Ms. Nugget, Dawson Dave and Guss Chiggins are us tour guides.
*(3) - "Bing bang snack bags!" - a phrase coined by either Teak (Guss Chiggins) or the other Dave (Dawson Dave) humorously comparing making snack bags for our train tours to sweatshops.
*(4) - Bezel Queen - name given to Serena, our best bezel saleswoman, for this poem
*(5) - Mountie here refers to my character (Moose Jaw).
*(6) - Our dredge was working up in the Yukon Territory sixty years ago.